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Crying in Target

Writer's picture: Elisheva LissElisheva Liss

*This was originally written as a schmoozeletter email, in January of 2022. I realized that I haven't written in this light-hearted tone since 10/07/23, but wanted to re-share these thoughts for now:


One day, I was walking through Target (I mean, I've walked through Target more days than I can count, but this was one particular day) and I found myself tearing up.


I had somehow ended up in the toy aisle, and it dawned on me that after so many years of lingering in this section and browsing the dolls and cars and lego sets, debating what gifts to get my kids for the next occasion, our family had outgrown this stage. (Not gifts- just toys; they still like other stuff:


It was bittersweet and nostalgic. I had spent so many minutes and dollars shopping for diapers and wipes and sippy cups and onesies and trucks and teddy bears and games. I don't know exactly when it happened, because it was gradual, but one day I woke up and my baby was a teenager. I'm happy about that, because it's what we want, but also wistful that they've begun launching, and it's just a strange feeling to both miss the old and be incredibly grateful for the new and now. 


In the words of gifted author Gretchen Rubin:


"The days were long but the years were short."


It got me thinking how much of what we experience is this dialectic tension between the past and the present, the old and the new. And of course the uncertainty of the future.


I don't want to go back to the pressure cooker days of babies and toddlers and our early professional lives - for us, this midlife stage is far more fulfilling and less exhausting. But sometimes I do wish I could dip back just for a few minutes, to sniff a newborn fuzzy-head one more time. Maybe be a bit more present, take a few more videos, and certainly correct old mistakes.


Yet time only moves forward, not backward, (so far:) and the novelty of each next stage beckons to me, piques my curiosity, challenges me, and rarely disappoints, even as whispers from the past tug at my heartstrings, sometimes as the oddest moments, like passing by American Doll knockoffs in a superstore.


I don't want to forget, rewrite, romanticize, or hate on the past. I want to learn from it, appreciate its memories and lessons, and use it to build a more intentional present and future. 


This week's Torah portion introduces the Jewish concept of innovation in time. While the Gregorian calendar celebrated the New Year last month, the Jewish calendar has a few different options for New Year categories. The very first collective command G-d gave the Jews as they were preparing for the Exodus was to sanctify the new month, and that the lunar month of Nissan, in which they left Egypt, was to signify a new beginning, and one category of "New Year."


The new moon is what indicates each new month, and in fact the same root word is used in Hebrew for month and new: chodesh/ chadash. The moon is constantly changing forms, as are we. Each day, each month, each cycle, is an invitation to evolve. It's human nature to change over time- both automatically and consciously. 


Personally, socio-politically, religiously, I think we often have this chronic tension between the old and the new.


Both regretting and glorifying aspects of the past.

Fearing and forging the unfolding future.

Figuring out how much to hold on to and how much to let go and improve.

Tradition and innovation. Ancient wisdom and new discovery. 


The Parsha of Bo is G-d inviting Moshe and the Jews to leave behind the shackles and pain of their past in Egypt, but to take with them the faith and resilience they cultivated there, into their future destiny as the Jewish nation, receiving Torah, and returning to their homeland of Israel.

*

There is power and sanctity in honoring and preserving the beauty of what was.

There is humility and growth in being willing to acknowledge what needs to change.

There is integrity and balance in the art of synthesizing the two.

And it's ok to shed a few discreet tears in Target along the way.



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