Death as inspiration for life

I remember someone once telling me that someone she loved died on 9/11/2001, but not in the terrorist attacks of 9/11- it was a heart attack. She was saying that it felt very strange to be in mourning along with the whole nation, but along a different wavelength.

I was thinking of those who are praying for their own loved ones this year, or mourning their own losses. How it might feel for them, to witness so much communal emotion around the war, and how to make space for their private pain. And so I was thinking they too deserve acknowledgement, empathy, and love. So if you are reading this and struggling with your own loss, trauma, or medical crisis, please know you matter as well, and that you're not forgotten- there are enough prayers and love to go around for everyone.

In this week's Torah portion, Jacob/ Yaakov prepares for his own death. He does so primarily by gathering his children and grandchildren for blessings and last messages. He imparts wisdom and wishes, assigning them a legacy based on their own strengths and challenges. Living long enough to see children and grandchildren is in itself a blessing. Having the time to prepare for departure from the world is a painful blessing too.

The Torah portion is called "Vayechi" which means, "and he lived." He actually lived through the six preceding portions, and died in this one, but this is the one called "and he lived."

The portion of Chayei Sarah, the life of Sarah, is also about her death. Maybe that's because it's at the end of life when people take stock of how they lived. (There's a powerful exercise in which participants are prompted to attempt writing their own eulogies. That sort of perspective taking can yield incredible insight.) 

I don't believe there's one universal, profound lesson or coping style with tragedy. I think for some, the need is to sit with the pain, feel and and process it.

For others, the need to philosophize and make meaning is a lifeline. And still others need to take action- do something to memorialize the departed. Most probably do a combination over time. It probably depends on the degree of relationship, the type of loss, and the individual emotional needs of the mourners.

But I believe as a broader community, micro, Jewish, and global, seeing the fragility of life often prompts us to personally examine own- our regrets, our hopes, our relationships, our priorities, and maybe try to live a little more deeply and intentionally before we go home.

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