Updated: Jan 7
More Shovevim thoughts on enhancing marital intimacy:
Something I have struggled with for a few years now is wanting to create and share more information for religious brides and grooms, more publicly than just with my private groups and clients. I actually have a document script for kallah teachers, that I have been editing slowly over the years, and sharing judiciously. But something held me back from posting it publicly- it's delicate, so culturally specific, so imperfect and potentially open to misunderstanding or distortion. And something I've learned over the years, is that sometimes I read back stuff I've written in the past, and no longer agree with it, so that's scary too. At the same time, any time I've shared it, the feedback I got was that this sort of info needs to be publicized further, so I've been conflicted. What I've done a couple of times, is that during a lecture or on a private (relevant) listserv, I've described the document, and offered to privately email it to anyone who felt they would benefit from having it. That felt like a good compromise- making it available to those who seemed to truly wanted to use it for the good. But it still limited the distribution to just the audience of those private talks and teleconferences.
At this point, I am offering it here, not publicly on my blog, because it is quite sensitive, but offering the option to email me a request for this material. It is basically geared to bride educators, as a script to include in their religious premarital education curriculum, specifically about becoming sexually active within marriage, but others can benefit from read it too. Here is who I believe would benefit from it:
Anyone involved in educating young women and new brides- moms, teachers, Rebbetzens, therapists, or mentors.
Anyone who is sexually active and/ or planning to become sexually active in an Halachic framework.
Anyone who wants to broaden her understanding of a Jewish approach to marital intimacy.
Here is who I would prefer DIDN'T request the document (FYI I have no way to enforce this.. it's an honor system):
Men. I know. But, yeah.
Anyone under the age of 16.
Anyone who hates religion or Halacha.
Anyone who is looking for reasons to mock or deprecate religious tradition.
Anyone with a trauma history, and/ or who gets triggered by explicit sexual information.
Anyone who intends to send me lewd or malicious messages (which I always ignore and block).
(I am however, very open to constructive criticism, respectful disagreement, or feedback. I'm always happy to learn and correct myself.)
So if you believe you would benefit from this material, and would like a copy, please feel free to send me an email, requesting the document to:
You should receive it shortly, and be automatically subscribed to my weekly "schmoozeletter" which offers more exclusive, free content. There is no charge for this document. I just ask that you not share further, pls. (Again, I can't enforce that. Just hoping for respect.)
If being part of the solution to better prepare the next generation for healthy relationships appeals to you, please feel free to have a look a this related material, which is designed to help preempt some of the damage control we need to address before marriage, here.