Men are sometimes surprised to learn this about pleasuring
Trigger warning: this post will be more explicit than usual. (It's excerpted from one of the schmoozeletter emails) Often, when working...
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Elisheva Liss
- Jul 20
- 5 min
How can someone go from hating sexual activity to enjoying it?
TW: This post references sexual trauma. “What’s the most common problem you see in couples?” someone asked me this weekend. Therapists...
1,073 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jul 5
- 9 min
Is Using P-rnography Considered Cheating on a Partner?
Let’s consider this changed-to-protect-writer’s-identity question, as a springboard to address some issues that arise for couples around...
2,246 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jul 2
- 4 min
The Unconsummated Couple
The Unconsummated Couple They present for therapy with so much shame, sometimes blaming themselves, sometimes each other, or just one of...
1,603 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jun 14
- 6 min
Disappointed in a Spouse
*This originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times" Dear Elisheva, I’m struggling with something affecting my marriage,...
876 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Mar 8
- 5 min
"Why Won't My In-laws Support Us?"
*This was originally a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My wife and I have been married for almost three years, and...
1,065 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Feb 7
- 7 min
"How can I motivate my spouse to get fit?"
*This first appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, This message probably makes me sounds like a shallow,...
1,144 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Dec 1, 2022
- 7 min
"We feel more like roommates than spouses"
This was originally published as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times Dear Elisheva, My husband and I had discussed this when we were...
1,383 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Aug 28, 2022
- 7 min
"My daughter blames me for her marriage problems"
*This post was originally published as a State of Mind column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My family is in a...
1,139 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Aug 11, 2022
- 4 min
"What if I never have a happy marriage?"
*This is an excerpt from one of my schmoozeletter emails.* One of the more painful categories of work we do is talking with people who ...
1,191 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jul 26, 2022
- 4 min
"What's the Point of Sex Anyway?"
It usually happens some time in the middle of a session. We’ll be discussing a couple’s intimate life, and I can see the consternation...
3,302 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- May 19, 2022
- 6 min
Relationship Uncertainty
*This originally appeared in the Five Towns Jewish Times State of Mind column* Dear Elisheva, I would imagine my problem is not unique,...
1,242 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- May 8, 2022
- 2 min
An Intimacy Dilemma
The following is a conversation that comes up a lot with my couples in therapy: Me: So what would you say are the challenges you're...
1,661 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Apr 7, 2022
- 3 min
She Wasn't Feeling Pleasure
Once upon a time, there was a young, sincere couple, who married and loved each other. But they had one problem: Even after a few years...
2,866 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Feb 27, 2022
- 5 min
A Different Kind of Sexual Trauma
Trigger warning: this post discusses sexual trauma Zeesy, a 19-year-old newlywed, was referred for intense erotophobia- a fear of ...
3,438 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Dec 18, 2021
- 7 min
Religiously Stuck Husband
This originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times. Dear Elisheva, I can’t decide whether my problem is marital or...
1,779 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Aug 7, 2021
- 4 min
Vacation Altercations
Atara and Azriel are trying to plan a vacation. For the first time since they had kids, they have a chance to get away just the two of...
722 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jul 23, 2021
- 3 min
This One Thing Can Change Everything
There's something I've learned in the course of both my work and my spiritual studies has made a profound difference in the way I view...
816 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jul 3, 2021
- 3 min
"If You Really Loved Me...
“Do you know what it’s like to live with someone for six years and not even once have them initiate physical intimacy?” he asks. “Well,...
1,998 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jun 4, 2021
- 4 min
Fighting about Whether to Have a Baby
How do you decide when to start a family? How many kids to have? When to stop having kids? Even if we knew exactly how many kids we hoped...
1,312 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Apr 28, 2021
- 6 min
Wives, Please Don't Surrender
(This post is adapted from a special edition schmoozeletter.) Last week, I posted what seems to have been a polarizing opinion on social...
9,819 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Apr 21, 2021
- 2 min
Why Saying: "Divorce is not an Option" Can Actually Hurt Marriages
Were you taught to believe that “divorce” is a curse word? That we don’t even say the “d” word? When I was a young, idealistic grad...
931 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Apr 6, 2021
- 2 min
Sex Is NOT Supposed to Hurt!
This will be a short, but I believe, very important post: One of the many awful results of inadequate, misinformed, or nonexistent sex...
2,415 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Mar 8, 2021
- 5 min
“Why Won’t My Wife Dress Up for Me?”
Some men say it with embarrassment, others with indignance or frustration, and still others in defeat: “I’m not trying to be demanding or...
3,875 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jan 16, 2021
- 3 min
Sex and Pizza
I really, really like pizza- it’s probably my favorite meal. In my neighborhood we have about half a dozen different pizza shops. My...
1,323 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Dec 5, 2020
- 3 min
Why Do Some People "Do Better" in Therapy Than Others? 7 Factors Satisfied Therapy Clients Share
Have you ever noticed that some people will swear that therapy totally changed their lives for the better, and others will say they’ve...
693 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Dec 2, 2020
- 2 min
"How Often Are You Supposed to 'Be Intimate'?"
Have you ever wondered how often people have sex? (I purposely used the nebulously awkward euphemism “be intimate” in the title because...
5,840 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Oct 29, 2020
- 3 min
Is it Possible to Create Attraction Where There is None?
For so many couples, this is their million-dollar question. Hope for their relationship, for their future, hinges on the answer....
1,667 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Oct 18, 2020
- 2 min
Separation Is Not Always "Step One to a Divorce"
Couples therapy is intense work. Back in grad school, I had a professor say: “We’re not in the business of saving marriages. We’re in the...
308 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Aug 16, 2020
- 4 min
Your Body May Have Responded to the Abuse, BUT That Doesn’t Mean You Wanted It
Trigger warning: This post deals with sensitive topics relating to sexual abuse trauma. Ho-kay. This is not really my lane. I don’t treat...
1,100 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Aug 11, 2020
- 4 min
How Do I Get My Partner to Come to Therapy?
Do you want to work on your relationship in therapy, but have a partner who just doesn’t want to go? Well, you’re not alone. This is a...
703 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jul 3, 2020
- 4 min
“I Used to Rape My Wife”
Trigger warning: this may be difficult to read for survivors of trauma. Proceed with caution: Gittel and Shuey have been married for...
17,428 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jun 3, 2020
- 5 min
What If You Cheated on Your Spouse?
An Infidelity Dilemma The following story was shared with me by an acquaintance who: Is not a therapy client of mine Specifically asked...
3,360 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- May 7, 2020
- 4 min
What If I Can't Climax
The phone rang, and a shy-sounding young woman introduced herself. “Hi. I’m not really sure if I need therapy. Could I tell you my issue,...
3,187 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Feb 9, 2020
- 3 min
Better Prep For Wedding Night and Beyond
More Shovevim thoughts on enhancing marital intimacy: Something I have struggled with for a few years now is wanting to create and share...
3,191 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Feb 3, 2020
- 3 min
Totally Grossed Out By Private Parts
Please Note: This post contains explicit content, is for mature readers only, and may be triggering for survivors of trauma. Fay and her...
2,683 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Feb 2, 2020
- 4 min
The Problem with Religious Sexuality Education
As many of you know, one of the most important aspects of the work we do with couples and individuals, is treating the results and...
1,219 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Dec 5, 2019
- 4 min
Why It's Important to Teach Kids Accurate Names of Body Parts
Tzivi came home from preschool and told her mom that her Morah had gotten upset at her that day. “Morah said I used a bad word. But I...
2,130 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Oct 15, 2019
- 6 min
My Wife Hates Sex- What Should I Do?
Really glad you asked. It’s very painful for a man with a healthy libido to be in a marriage where he feels undesired and constantly...
1,726 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Sep 17, 2019
- 3 min
Ballad of the Secretly Burnt Out Kollel Wife
“I’m so happy and grateful- his Rebbe said he’s a meyuchad, a lamdan, really something special.” “I just want to do whatever is best for...
384 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Aug 11, 2019
- 3 min
Consent For Touch - Even With A Spouse
You know that feeling where you finish a conversation, and then a little later, mentally review it and wish you could go back and change...
1,540 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jul 8, 2019
- 5 min
Please DON'T Fake It Till You Make It
Several years ago, I had been invited to an event that also featured a talk for kallah teachers, giving by a woman who trains them. At...
1,018 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jun 13, 2019
- 3 min
"Do You Ever Just Cuddle?" A Powerful Tip For Marital Intimacy Improvement
“Do You Ever Just Cuddle?” Yael’s arms are folded across her chest, and her legs tightly crossed as she describes her frustration: “I...
1,387 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Apr 27, 2019
- 5 min
Spousal Hygiene - An Awkward Problem
Shani prefaces her disclosure with discomfort: “This is not an easy thing to discuss. But it’s an issue for me. It has to do with...
1,628 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Feb 19, 2019
- 6 min
Not Attracted to Her Spouse: Part 2 Some Answers to Your Questions
My recent blog post “I’m Not Attracted to my Spouse” has attracted significantly more views, shares, and responses in its first week than...
1,682 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Feb 11, 2019
- 7 min
I'm Not Attracted to My Spouse
Raizy, a soft-spoken 24 year old graphic designer, shifted in her seat, hesitant to share her next words. I waited, while she formulated...
4,443 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jan 6, 2019
- 6 min
Trouble In the Bedroom: Marital Sexual Problems and How We Can Help
Every year around this time, I wonder if this will be the year I try and “do something about it.” These are the weeks we call Shovevim...
1,502 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jan 3, 2019
- 5 min
What if My B’show Was Wrong
What if my b’show didn’t work? This post will undoubtedly elicit strong reactions from readers on both sides of this issue. I want to...
794 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Nov 26, 2018
- 2 min
Could We Please Stop Telling Girls that Marrying a Yeshiva Guy Is the Only Way to Get a Good Husband
This will be a short, not-so-sweet, but to-the-point post (bordering on rant). To some, what I’m about to say might be obvious, but to...
394 views0 comments
Elisheva Liss
- Jun 25, 2018
- 7 min
The Pros and Cons of Scheduled Sex Dates
“About how often would you guys say you are physically intimate?” This question is part of my standard couple intake session, even if the...
616 views0 comments
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